Sunday, 12 October 2008

Lieutenant Pigeon

Let's get this sorted. The said Lieutenant was, when bought to me, rather sad and dishevelled. I could not however wring its neck without trying to give it succour and comfort. This I did with sweet words, water and oatmeal (ok readybrek). It seemed to be doing OK as you will see in the pic below. He even flew off the boat a couple of times.

Bones didn't think my 'oatmeal' was suitable and gave it something sweet and sticky. It was after this that the Lieutenant started to go down hill. He collapse in exhaustion unable to stand, breathing heavy and eyes rolling. It was when his heart stopped beating I decided it was not snoozing.

The Lieutenant, now bereft of life, lay in my hand completely motionless. It was at this point I thought that now might be a good time to practice wringing a birds neck in case I should ever have to do it again.

The bird was definitely dead. It was an ex-pigeon. It had ceased to exist. And just in case it hadn't, with a wrung neck it wasn't going to cooing classes anymore. End of.

Which reminds me, Why is a pigeon superior to a Merchant Banker. Because he can still put a deposit on a Ferrari.

Apologies to the boys of Monty Python


bottle said...

Nice Cyclamen.

MortimerBones said...

you make it sounds so heartless, and there I was making you sound all caring!!!!!!

I wonder if having it on your roof cooked it slowly?

kh said...

No! I'e re-checked it's definitely a pigeon ! And I'm pretty certain it's stuffed with reddybrek and not PAXO. Although my x-rays eyes detect a spot of lethal baclava cake.

I suppose you're going to tell me that a cycleman is not a man on a cycle.

kh said...

Maybe should have fed it some "mouldy ol' dough" to a piano accompaniment from the good doctor.

Brian and Diana on NB Harnser said...

What's the difference between Tesco and Iceland?
Tesco will give you Cashback.