This morning I went to Kingston where I moored up on the John Lewis Wharf. Its a lot of wharf with not many bollards. I tied up to the railings across the path. I stopped here because I wanted to buy a new duvet cover and 13.5 tog duvet. John Lewis' is a dump a very posh dump but a dump nonetheless. It is a design exercise not a shop. The restaurant is not called a restaurant it is called 'the place to eat'. A bit like that school that is not a school but 'a place for learning'. Is this how our lives are going to be in the future, nothing has a name just a definition. Poor Molly will become a smelly canine quadraped.
ME: excuse me where might I find the restaurant?
STAFF: Oh you want the place to eat . . . .
ME: I know what I want that is why asked for the restaurant.
STAFF: No it called the place to eat
ME: No it called a restaurant its definition is 'a pace to eat'.
STAFF: yes sir but . . . . .
ME: Don't yes sir me young lady I have a degree in talking bollox and if I say it called a restaurant you can bank on me being right.
STAFF: but . . . .
ME: doesn't matter I am 'not in an eating phase anymore'.
STAFF: Oh your not hungry.
ME: well done your getting the hang of it now.
In the lift, which has a viewing balcony facing a brick wall rather than the river just through 90o , I have a choice of 1 1R RR RW. Someone else presses the button. Out of the lift in through the menswear department up the escalator to? I don't know, the sign of where to get what you want is presented to the person going down stairs not coming up. I find a sign that tells me I need floor 2 but no plan to get me there. UP another escalator and across the children's department. There before me is a big hole in the ground
I think I can see what I want right across the other side of the hole and down one floor its about 100 yards straight across and about two miles round, well it felt like it I came on a stick. I'd come up two floors in the lift then up two floors on the moving staircase then down one floor and I am on the second floor go figure! It was the curtain department. DOH!
I eventually got my cover but could not get a 13.5 tog duvet in the value range. They only had 4.5 and 10.5. I asked and was told they don't do 13.5 anymore. So I asked if poor people were not allowed to be warm. To which I was told I should sew one of each together. I pointed out that sewing was women's work and that 10.5 and 4.5 equals 15. I am not sure if my sexism was a problem or the fact that this scruffy boater had caught her out with her poor adding up.
There was 13.5 in the duck down but with bird flu on its way I didn't want to take the risk, who wants their duvet to sneeze all night. The three other varieties had 13.5 in all sizes ........ except double. I came away with out one. When I paid for the cover the chap said, "There's £2.50 of this item sir". I said "make it £5 and it will be worth having". "Sorry", said he, "I cant do that". Well I never expected him to but .....
I told him I didn't like the shop and if it was a proper shop and not a design exercise it would have cost only 30 quid and not 47.50. He agreed.
On the way out I stopped in the menswear department Looking for a chunky winter jumper with no zip or buttons. No chance! I went home with my overpriced cover.
If you cant walk very far this is not a good store.