The council get a bit shitty about people who put stuff in for recycling that they are not supposed to put in the bin! Today I thought I would mark the bins clearly with a broad felt tip marker.
This is Molly’s bag I take it everywhere. Bones bought it for me, for Christmas, as I had lost my other one at my late mothers house last year. It contains Molly’s poo bags, two leads (one ordinary one extender), treats, two thick marker pens (red & black) and sometimes my notebook and pen.It has been a week now since my keys disappeared. I had hoped that by advertising the loss on the net I would embarrass the perpetrator of this ‘heinous’ crime to come forward and return my keys to me but it was not to be. The reason for this being that all week the keys have never left my side.
As I reached into Molly’s bag to find a felt tipped pen (you will remember from earlier that I was going to mark the bin), I was surprised to feel that the pens were not there. This is most unusual! I rummaged around at the bottom for some time before I realised that a familiar group of objects were nestling in the mix of bags therein. I cannot tell you the joy I felt at the finding of my keys , this was quickly followed by a ‘How the feck am I going to explain this’ moment!
Well there is only one way to go about it. Just fess up! I am a grade A twat.! (I know I didn’t need to tell most you that, but some of you will be shocked at this revelation) I never looked in the bag because it never occurred to me to look in the bag. The bag is for specifics and keys are not on that list; they always go in pockets.
If you feel I have unnecessarily slandered your birth parents or intimated that you might just be the thieving moron that stole my keys then I do so humbly apologise for the suggestion.
This apology is not as long as Maria Millers 54 second apology, to the House of Commons, because she is a thief and I merely a misguided ass.