Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Bins, bags and ……… keys!

The council get a bit shitty about people who put stuff in  for recycling that they are not supposed to put in the bin! Today I thought I would mark the bins clearly with a broad felt tip marker.

This is Molly’s bag I take it everywhere. Bones bought it for me, for Christmas, as I had lost my other one at my late mothers house last year.  It contains Molly’s poo bags, two leads (one  ordinary one extender), treats, two thick marker pens (red & black) and sometimes my notebook and pen.DSCF1274It has been a week now since my keys disappeared. I had hoped that by advertising the loss on the net I would embarrass the perpetrator of this ‘heinous’ crime to come forward and return my keys to me but it was not to be. The reason for this being that all week the keys have never left my side.

As I reached into Molly’s bag to find a felt tipped pen (you will remember from earlier that I was going to mark the bin), I was surprised to feel that the pens were not there. This is most unusual! I rummaged around at the bottom for some time before I realised that a familiar group of objects were nestling in the mix of bags therein.DSCF1273 I cannot tell you the joy I felt at the finding of my keys , this was quickly followed by a ‘How the feck am I going to explain this’ moment!

Well there is only one way to go about it. Just fess up! I am a grade A twat.! (I know I didn’t need to tell most you that, but some of you will be shocked at this revelation) I never looked in the bag because it never occurred to me to look in the bag. The bag is for specifics and keys are not on that list; they always go in pockets.

If you feel I have unnecessarily slandered your birth parents or intimated that you might just be the thieving moron that stole my keys then I do so humbly apologise for the suggestion.

This apology is not as long as Maria Millers 54 second apology, to the House of Commons, because she is a thief and I merely a misguided ass.

13 comments:

Chris Rayner said...

But an honest ass :-)

Chris Rayner said...

But an honest ass :-)

Chris Rayner said...

But an honest ass :-)

Harryman said...

You should have remembered what Sherlock Holmes said: "when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth" ....then you would have looked in the bag!
Glad you found them.
Cheers
K

KevinTOO said...

Honesty is indeed the best policy Maffi...

It's also the funniest thing I've read for ages. I apologise for laughing so loud, but at least this confirms that you are only human :)

Chris Wren said...

Hey Maffi I used to have 'Senior Moments' too but apparently they're now called 'Craft Moments' because I Can't Remember An eFfin Thing :-P

Ann nb Oakfield said...

Clever molly for keeping your keys safe in her bag, what an amazing dog she is!

Anonymous said...

Like I said honest, oh and sometimes........Paula

Ray Eddington said...

Jeeezzz Maffi I havn't been able to look people straight in the eye and Iv'e looked everywhere on the NB and emptied my pockets since reading your accusations.... xxx...

Dave,Beryl Bradshaw said...

Senior Moment I think Dave

NETTY said...

By the way !!!!! i have your other bag, picked it up at Mums and forgot to give it to you. Its in the boot of my car lmao ha ha xxxx

Netty said...

OOpsie, I have your other bag, I picked it up at Mums and forgot to give it to you, its in the boot of my Car lol.

NETTY said...

Sorry about the double, I thought it hadnt gone lol