Saturday, 11 July 2015


On Thursday I did a pump out in Devizes. When I had almost finished along came a Wide Dutchie and the lady on board bellowed "Ahoy on the Milly M".
I thought I am in a TV comedy.
"Can you move we want to go through the bridge"
So I said, "I am not finished yet you will have to wait."
She said, "There is nowhere to moor."
This was a lie she just didn't want to see the mooring behind her.
She then asked me if I had broken down.
I couldn't resist, "Narrow Boats don't break down."
Bored now with her whinnie yuppie voice I disconnected the hose and pulled my boat back and off they went. Meatloaf comes to mind here.
I finished, packed up my gear and set off. On my way I passed two young girls putting in pins. I asked if the fat boat had pulled them out to which they replied "Yes" they were not best pleased.
A little further up the canal I was confronted by the Dutchie. It was broadside across the canal, stuck fast.
Well feck me if that wasn't a good opportunity, "Have you broken down?"
"No," she said not seeing the irony, "Our mud box is clogged up and the engine has overheated. To me that's broken down!
"Karma" I thought both for me and the two girls.
I pushed their bow off the bank, their poxy little plastic boat hook wasn't being the slightest help.
As I passed I pointed out that they had ripped the girls pins out by going too fast and that the needed to moderate their speed. I felt smug.

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