Friday, 31 August 2012

Boat full of idiots

This is the boat, Brasenose, where you can clearly see the tiller and the rudder are not lined up. In this condition they travelled the waterways for three days.DSCF2008

Close up




This man was  a European, but not English. He thought it was all so funny. He even thought it would be funny to have a picture taken with me. I didn’t let that happen. You can see in the top photo this moron posed for the picture.



This man who claimed he was a publican threatened to ‘do’ me.


As all us boaters know our water supplies are limited on a boat. How long it lasts depends on how frugal we are with it. Once empty its off to the water point. I am of the ‘fill it up at every tap’ brigade when I am on the move, though currently moored up I tend to let it run out. So at the water point we all get the hosepipe out.


Hosepipes are one of our most important pieces ancillary equipment. They channel the water we use on our boats into out tanks. This water is used for washing, drinking, flushing, etc. Given that we drink the water we supply to our boats why is it that often we pay little attention to the hose pipe. How often have we seen people drop the hose end in the canal? Why do so many treat their water supply equipment with such little respect.
Hosepipes come in many forms, but we should endeavour to use a food grade hose. I notice hire companies tend to use blue hose which I assume conforms to the FSA standard. I, like many many others, use the conventional yellow hose in a windup box.519J3DFY4QL__AA115_ I don’t know if flat hoses come in food grade but I have never been able to understand the logic of people wanting one. Yes they don’t take up much space, but every time you use one it has to be rolled out completely  and laid without twists to get a trickle from it. The last time I saw one being used it was full of holes.
260820121233This flat hose is laying over the cratch

I have seen a flat hose that you don’t have to unwind. It is made from three smaller hoses laid side by side. I cannot imaging the connectors are cheap.

Whatever sort of hose we use I do think we should pay more attention to our hoses. After all we drink our water so we should keep things clean.

I have never quite understood the mind set of the ‘jolly boater’ who brings his shit box out across your front deck while you have an open water feed.

Narrowboat World

I have recently been asked to join the contributors list at NBW. Now this might surprise a few of you. Some will be completely flabbergasted if only because in the piece written by Tom Crossley he says:

Though we do not generally include pseudonyms, Maffi is so well known, and to us, that we have made the exception.

Dragonfly said, “I have absolutely no idea who the 'so well known' Maffi is.” Although it may seem strange to some of us there are people in this world who have no idea who I am, the same could be said for John Lennon. Now I don't know who half the members of the BBhouse are and there is a good reason for that. I don’t have a TV ergo I can’t be expected to know who the latest so called celebrities are.

I suspect Dragonfly is taking the piss because he reads NBW and I feel sure he must have read something I have written recently.

This blog has had visits from over 170 countries. I have been in many of the mags (internet & hard copy) I have been writing this blog for 7 years now. I was member 37 on the Canal World forum. My boat build had its own website. Is it my fault Dragonfly hasn’t a TV?

Thank you!

I would like to say a big thank you to the kind and thoughtful hire boaters who gave us a present last weekend. I don’t know what we did to deserve it but thank you. We will put it in a place of honour which is where you should have put it. The skip!


Thursday, 30 August 2012

nb Brasenose

Well, well, well, Not only do idiots come to our waterway but they come with threatening behaviour. nb Brasenose came back today and the tiller was still at 90o to the rudder. I took some pictures and was threatened with violence. None of the monkeys on the boat could see there was a problem. One foreign guy thought it was all very funny, another said.”I am a publican, “and I wouldn’t let you in my pub.” I actually wouldn't want to go in a pub where the boss cant do joined up writing. Isn’t it amazing he would stop me going into his domain for no reason, but him and his apes can come here a behave in a dangerous manner. I continued to point out that the boat was not safe and he said, “What's it got to do with you?” After which he threatened to ‘do’ me.

So I phoned up College Cruisers and spoke to a very nice lady, Cerys Bunns I think, the bosses wife  and told her about the tiller. She knew nothing about it. Who ever I spoke to two days ago did nothing about my call at all.

Come to that CRT did nothing either. I phoned CRT and the chap said he will pass it on to the head office again. He never asked me where I was!

What is really annoying is they blamed me because I had a canoe in the water, right in the corner.

I hope Cerys takes the muppets to task over this and passes their names and addresses on to the APCO. The last thing the waterways needs is another bunch of idiots with no common sense.

(I have a picture but it is stuck on my camera)

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Tiller problem.

I find it quite odd that some boats are built so that the tiller extends far past the footprint of the boat. So much so that other boats can get caught on them as they pass and they themselves can under certain conditions catch on the structures around them causing damage.

Yesterday I put a canoe in the water just before College Cruiser nb Brasenose came through the bridge. To get around the corner you have to have the tiller hard over. In the case of Brasenose this is dangerous because the tiller is too long, and the tiller caught on the bridge supporting structure. The end of the wooden handle was scrapped off and the tiller ended up at 90o to the rudder.

I heard this happen and saw the position of the tiller, the crew seem not to understand so I told them that the boat was now dangerous and that they should moor up exactly where they were and I would call their base and get an engineer to come out and fix it. The Man on board refused. I pointed out that he could not properly control his boat and could cause an accident. I said he should moor up NOW! Still he refused and continued up the canal in a straight line with the tiller hard over. He could only steer to the right. he had no tiller movement to steer to the left.

I phoned College Cruisers they didn’t seem particularly interested. I phoned CRT and pointed out that there was a boat moving on the water in a dangerous condition, funnily enough they didn't seem particularly interested either. I sent an email to College Cruisers to hopefully ensure they really understood what I said on the phone.

I am at a loss to understand a, why the hirer didn’t stop when told b, why College Cruiser seemed not to be interested c, why CRT seemed not to be interested.

There are two groups of people who would have continued on their way with a boat in that condition. Complete Idiots or people who had not been briefed properly.

At the very least College Cruisers and all other hire companies should be briefing their hirers that if anything goes wrong they must stop immediately! No ifs ands or buts! There needs to be a point when an experienced member of the boating community can demand that a boat in trouble should stop and he can then contact the hire base, and the hirer should be briefed that that is the case and failure to comply will result in the boat being stopped and they themselves evicted from the boat by a representative of the hire company.

I don't want to stop people enjoying their time on the water, but for the benefit of all waterways users something has to be done to stop such stupidity!                                 

Ever fancied a Springer?

…… No not a spaniel a Springer narrowboat.

Skippy has one for sale £10,000


Theatre in the Dock

A unique theatre in a working dry dock. Tooleys, Banbury, October 5th-7th:

This is the fourth year that Tooley’s dock has become a theatre for a bit of a change from mending boats! And for another change it will be in October in the run up to Banbury Canal Day rather than in July.

This year we have some ghosts, some silent film and blues music, stories and more...



Friday 7.30: An off beat comedy from Day Star theatre A Night at Blackstone Hall

When Clarissa De Vere, Britain’s popular T.V. psychic medium is accused publicly of being a fake by an old adversary, Dr Thomas Cruickshank who has written many books de bunking all things paranormal, the trouble is only just starting.
They agree to spend a night in Blackstone Hall, the second most haunted house in England...

It’s going to be just the thing for an autumn evening in a dock!!

Tickets £10/£8

Saturday - story and activities with that well known local narrowboat Muddy Waters.

£5 – including a free book

Saturday 9.15pm (1h 10m): a real treat for waterway enthusiasts ‘The Longest Narrowboat Journey’ – a silent movie accompanied by ARCC and their incomparable improvised blues. A real atmospheric treat!

Tickets £8/£6

Buying tickets

Booking tickets: You can book online (from early September), from Tooley’s during opening hours or on the door.

Monday, 27 August 2012

Maffi says,

If anyone wants to know about my general health or my mental state one only has to read the words here. If I am well I post a lot of pictures and write Blue Peter post and just generally comment about things around.

If I am not looking after myself properly I post less pictures and my post are generally more argumentative or belligerent.

I am, despite what some say, a writer. I write every day not including this blog. Sometimes I write poetry (needs work) often I write what’s in my head. I write about what I see as all writers do, I write short stories, commentary's I have even written 90% of a play (still working on the finish) I have written song lyrics and nonsense poetry. I am currently working on a TV series (Yeah I know but you have to try)

I have written some exceptionally good stuff and some really shit stuff but what ever I write there is one thing you can always be sure of MY NAME will be on it. If it doesn’t say Maffi on the tin it wont have Maffi inside, of that you can be sure. If it isn’t on this blog, which is normally always all my own work, it will say ‘Maffi’ somewhere. After all we writers want people to read our work and enjoy it. There is no fun for us if they read something, enjoy it and don't know who wrote it is there?

If you visit Annie’s tea room the is a framed copy of a song lyric of mine on a wall. There are soon to be books of my work there for customers to read while taking tea.

If you enjoy what I write then you can write a comment here If you don’t enjoy it then you can write a comment here. I don’t do censorship.


WOW!!! it has been a good weekend. The canoes didn’t sell too bad and I think overall we made a couple of quid today. Dusty came past this afternoon on his way to Oxford and he stayed at the Jolly Boatman where he bought me dinner, which was nice. He is such a nice chap. The Governor of the JB gave me two free pints of Guinness I can’t for the life of me think why, but I ain’t saying no. Although thinking on it I have sent him a few customers recently. The pair of us had the bar in stitches, Monty Python eat you heart out. It would seem we had both had experiences with explosive ordinance in the defence of freedom. Me with a live SNEB rocket and him with an anti tank weapon.

It must have been 30 years ago I think. I was detached out to Central America. One day I was helping the armourers, I sat on a box rockets loading rockets into a SNEB pod. One chap was taking them out of the box another was removing the safety pins and passing them to me. I put them in the tubes. I seem to remember as you put the rocket into the tube you had to be careful not to knock the nose ( the firing mechanism was pietzo electric) and then hold in the safety lever in as it slid in the tube. The man handing me the rockets was a Photog. He had to takeout all the safety pins before handing the rocket to me. I really don’t think he really understood the severity of what he was doing because at one point, with the pod almost full (16/18 rockets) he handed me a rocket while I still had the previous one in my hands. It fell between my knees.

Well I looked down and saw the rocket nose on the ground and the tail more or less resting on my shoulder. I didn’t shit my pants as you might think. I looked around me to enquire what I should do. There were lots of rocket boxes. Within 20 or thirty feet there were there were lots of 30mm Aden Cannon rounds, 100lb practice bombs, 250lb practice bombs a number of 500lb and several 1000lb bombs, oh I didn’t mention the cluster bombs and the delayed bombs. I am not sure how much was there, but let me tell you it was a scarily big pile. There were enough High Explosives to turn Belize City into a hole in the ground and we were ten miles away. Amongst all of this I was all alone. Every one else had pissed off. Thanks pals!!!

I would have lost my legs and probably my nuts too, assuming that only the one rocket went off, but had the lot gone off all you people out there reading this would not be reading this I would have been vaporised, never to be seen again.

As I placed the rocket I was holding on the ground a voice called out from behind a pile of sandbags, “Be very careful. Lift the rocket, lay it across your lap. Put the pin in!”  I haven’t got a pin,” I said, they were out of reach. I heard foot steps. One man came and stood by me handing me a pin.

It’s at times like this when you know who your friends are.

Saturday, 25 August 2012


One has been banned from the Boat Inn again.

Nobody understands me.

Addendum to Stephen Gough

I received an email today from Michelle Solway, I mentioned her in yesterdays post.

She said, “How dare you say I was put up to going to court against Stephen Gough

I actually said, ”I suspect. . . . . .”, which is not the same thing.

She said. “. . . and I can assure you my daughter did see him . . . “

I said, “I would hazard a guess that the said daughter probably didn’t even notice.” Which again is not the same thing. I don’t doubt that her daughter did ‘see’ him, but did she really notice him. Did she scream uncontrollably, “There’s is a naked man mummy. I am scared,” or did she say, “Oh look mum that man has no clothes on”. Had it been the former, it was not Gough’s intention to scare or alarm anyone so he had actually committed no crime so why was this woman in court testifying against him.

She said, “. . . . .and I am so up set about what happened in court . . . . . “ I have to ask what happened in court? According to the papers she sat ’answering’ his questions by staring fixedly at the floor, her arms clasped across her chest.

She said, “. . . .and the fact iv been slapped all over the papers I can assure you I don't want 15 mins of fame.” I don’t read the papers so I don’t know, but we all want our 15 minutes we are entitled to it. I am curious why she came across this post what was she looking for?

The only thing she has said that I agree with as incontrovertible is, “You don’t know me or my family.” Which is true, I don’t. But I have known of Stephen Gough for several years and I do believe he is being unfairly treated. I have written about him on this blog before.

I am sorry if I have upset Michelle that wasn’t my intention, but  I was commenting on what I feel is an injustice. Stephen Gough, in his nudity, has not committed any crime yet people are testifying against him in court.

For those who don’t remember I reiterate “This blog has no more importance than the writing on a toilet wall, it is merely my opinion.”


Friday, 24 August 2012

Stephen Gough

Say the name Stephen Gough and most people would say “Who?” Gough is an ex-soldier. He is being punished for what he believes. Just less than 50% of the population of the world are like him yet , were he an attractive young blonde woman doing the same as he is doing no one would bat an eyelid. Because he is a 50 something male everybody is up in arms!

So why has he been in prison for the last six years and why had a judge ordered a psychiatric test?

His crime is he wants to be naked. He has walked from John O'Groats to Lands End nude, twice. Currently two witnesses have said their children were shocked by the sight of him naked at the roadside. I’m sorry, but that says more about their ability to bring up well rounded, open-minded children than it says about Stephen’s belief that "There's nothing about me as a human being that is indecent or alarming or offensive”. Me (Maffi), I find it odd that we are teaching our children that it is OK to be gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgendered, but it’s not OK to be nude. Is it because we can hide our sexuality?

Judge Williamson told him: "There were certain points in your evidence and certain points in your summing up where I was concerned about your emotional behaviour, and I was a bit concerned as to whether or not you were in control of yourself. I want somebody independent to see whether your mental health is all that is should be because, in the absence of any good reason otherwise, you're going to end up serving prison sentence after prison sentence.” Well of course his behaviour was something to be concerned about he has been held in prison for six years, some of that time long periods in solitary confinement, but he has broken no law! I should imagine he is bloody livid!!!!

One has to be suspicious when as reported one of the witnesses, Michelle Solway, said, ‘her 10-year-old daughter had been allegedly shocked by seeing him naked on the roadside’. The mother refused to look at Gough as he sat in the dock, answering his questions by staring fixedly at the floor, her arms clasped across her chest. I suspect either she was put up to it or she was searching for her fifteen minutes of fame. I would hazard a guess that the said daughter probably didn’t even notice.

The news article uses the word naked when they mean nude. Naked and nude are not the same thing. Often people make the assumption that if you are not wearing clothes you are being overtly sexual. This is not the case. I am often to be found in a state of undress. Earlier this year I sat nude in the middle of a field reading a book, not because I was horny, but because I wanted to do something I enjoy (reading), and I wanted to do it clothes free in a field feeling the sun and wind on my body. When two girls rode past on horseback I covered myself with my towel. If I want to be sexual I do that in the privacy of my home.

It is not and has never been a crime in this country, as far as I can ascertain, to simply be naked in public. It is however a crime to imprison a man who has committed no crime. Where is Amnesty International when they are needed?

Wednesday, 22 August 2012


I really find it irksome when people use the phrase ‘foul language’ or the ultimate ‘snob’ remark, “Can you not have sensible conversations without using rude words?” I am incensed by such people who  think they should be the arbiters of good manners and my spoken word.

I cringe when I hear “I am no prude but I do think it is good to be able to express yourself without resorting to ‘foul’ language”. This is the height of snobbery because they use incorrect grammar while pretending to be something they are not, genteel ladies and gentlemen. What they really mean is ‘bad’ language. ‘Foul’ is far too strong a word, ‘bad’ is more than adequate.

We are not allowed to use certain words because they are insulting and derogatory but if we want to insult someone then ‘insulting and derogatory’  words are exactly the words you need to use.

Yes it is good to express yourself without resorting to ‘bad’ language but in all honesty it just doesn’t have the same momentum. Recently I called someone a ‘pompous arse’ who was trying to lord it over me and make out that being as he was a Social worker he was better than me. He came back with a poncey ‘nasty man – no bad words used’. Now say it out loud and tell me what sounds more of an insult ‘Pompous arse’ or ‘Nasty man’ . Nasty man while not necessarily the nicest thing you can say to a bloke is not exactly an insult it is simply descriptive. ‘Pompous arse’ is a proper put down especially when referring to a part-time Social worker.

I love a good swear. That has nothing to do with my inability to use words that you find acceptable, (read my work here) but more to the point that sometimes they really are the only words that fit the situation! If you think any the less of me because I said this then you too are a pompous arse. I have mixed with princes and paupers and can hold my own with them all.    

Shakespeare said ‘fuck’ ‘shit’ and I think he said ‘bollix’ and a whole host of other words that we will find in the dictionary. It is not the job of the lexicographer to dictate to us how to use words, they are merely collectors of information. We the people determine how words are used, if ‘f**k off you twat’ fits the bill then it is the right thing to say. The lexicographer is duty bound to record that as an acceptable usage, be it good manners or bad.

Tuesday, 21 August 2012

Bridge Tales

nb SAM just came through the bridge heading north. (you may remember Sam he ties his centre line across the busy towpath). I’m not quite sure why he felt the need to get off his boat while it was turning pulling the back round, but as he passed me he said, ”Where ever there is a tight turn you will always find a BW boat moored in the wrong place”. The truth of the matter is that wherever there is a tight turn boaters will always blame someone else for screwing it up.

Well I am at a loss because despite my assumption that he was a novice after his last cock-up I have since found out that he is quite experienced (oh yeah) yes. He been boating for ages, been all around apparently.

Now it’s about 140 feet from the bridge to the far bank. With a BW boat moored there, that’s 133 feet. I fail to see how a boater, an experienced boater, cannot get a 70 foot boat around that corner with all that space. I have seen a hotel pair come around there and they performed such a fantastic piece of boating ballet, they both ended up moored breasted up on the water point. Agreed they are experts.

I have heard 50 footers complain about that BW boat. Only last week a 55 footer who had cocked up his approach, berated a elderly boater for being in the way, when he was so out of position he might have well stopped in the car park. Does no one ever plan their manoeuvres? I mean why not moor up, go and have a look at what is coming up, pace it out if necessary and have a plan before you or your boat gets in a pickle.
DSCF4902 - Copy
Part of the problem is a mis-understanding of the meaning of this sign. Yes it does mean NO MOORING, but it is aimed at the boater looking for somewhere to stop. You see, this is an official BW (now CRT) mooring for BW workboats. It has been for many years. Thrupp use to have the BW worksyard here and they had several yards of mooring here for maintenance boats. The yard is now Annie’s tea rooms, but the mooring still exists. What the sign is telling you is that you cannot moor there because it is a workboat mooring. Treat it like a reserved parking bay. The same applies to the next post down and the one after that except that between posts two and three the mooring is private and PAID FOR!
It’s for the mooring of hire boats and these can be moored two abreast. There is still more than enough room to turn after the bridge with these boat moored here it just takes a bit of planning, use that dormant brain you have been storing for the last few years. Don’t blame your lack of skill/thought on BW.
I have been through over two thousand locks, but I still approach new, to me, locks without a windlass to have a look, new moveable bridges the same.

If you are correctly positioned, at the Thrupp Lift bridge, on the right side of the canal you can angle your boat through the bridge hole right to left so you have already started the turn. Then as you exit the bridge, tiller hard over and the biggest of boats will go round easily. Even if you go through the bridge straight start to turn as your head comes under the bridge. And before you mention the ‘rubbing strakes’, they are designed to be rubbed.
DSCF4903 Don’t put a monetary value on them they are there to protect your hull and paint work. They are sacrificial just like your anodes. Most people don’t keep a boat long enough to wear them out and that is part of boating anyway.

Monday, 20 August 2012

Mr Grey’s 50 shades

To all intents and purposes Fifty Shades of Grey is a porn novel. I have not read it and do not propose to unless a copy turns up at the water point ‘library’. It has good reviews, it has bad reviews, and despite selling 40 million copies world wide this doesn’t make it a good book. Most people want to read it because it is full of shagging and bondage etc. I don't have a problem with it, its just not my sort of book.

What I do find odd is that someone can write a 12 line poem about Mr Grey and get nearly 10,000 visitors. The poem is not bad but it is not brilliant. I like the writer. I don’t like the fact that 10k people have read it just because of it’s title. There is no justice.

Fifty Shades of Grey


We get a lot of enquiries about hiring Canoes and Kayaks, well we would, we are after all a Canoe and Kayak hire centre. Many people arrive at the tea rooms and see the TCKH board and think it would be a nice thing to do. Many phone. Some days the phone rings of the hook until, that is, I dropped it in the canal. It still get lots of people ringing up, but I am not going in to find it. Hopefully we will have a new phone today.

Sunday, 19 August 2012


I really hate anonymous spammers whose grammar is so repetitively atrocious. Makes one want to spit.

Spammers you can’t love them, you cant shoot the bastards.

Friday, 17 August 2012

Julian Assange

Until today I had no idea who Julian Assange was. Not having TV I have missed out on the controversy about this man his political activism and his alleged sexual mis-deeds. The occasional mention on Twitter never provoked me to find out more about the man.

But now there is The Blog That Peter Wrote which, I think, explains the whole thing.

Though I still don’t understand why an Australian national, who is wanted for questioning over sexual offences committed in Sweden felt the need to jump bail in the UK after a court hearing which agreed to extradite him to Sweden, and is now holed up in the Ecuadorian Embassy. What has it got to do with them?

The Government have supposedly told Ecuador that ‘we’ will send in the troops if they insist on keeping Assange away from justice. He has now broken the law in the UK. The UK were just answering a request from the Swedish judicial system to return him there for questioning. No charges have been laid against him. Should he return to Sweden and be charged the death penalty will not be the punishment if found guilty so that tiresome EU law that prevents extradition to death penalty states does not apply.

Should the government close down the Ecuadorean Embassy and hold them in contempt of court or should we let them support this ne-er-do-well? It should be a simple matter to sequestrate his bank accounts which would leave his well being in the hands of the Embassy staff. I don't think that will be tolerated for long. I am not saying he is guilty but one has to wonder.

(Edit. Have changed the nationality which I thought was Swedish to Australian: bad me)

Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Milly M at the wide. (edit)

Courtesy of Google Earth

That’s me I have just come under the bridge. (Taken over two years ago)

MillyM at the wide

Tuesday, 7 August 2012


I see that Sikhs are protesting in India over the shooting in the temple in Wisconsin USA. What do they hope to achieve?

It’s not like it was a government funded raid, is it?


Oopsie I forgot this post
So Sue and Vic got a nice chair from the roof of a boat. and in turn passed their used chairs to me for which I was very grateful. My two chairs were deposited on the water point but not before I moved a very nice Swedish chair, 010820121204
left by PJ, to my lock-up because someone else showed an interest in it but would not be able to come back until today. I saw a couple of people sitting in my old chairs trying them out. Then along came nb VEGA. When they left the water point there were two chairs, but they were not the ones I put there. They had liked my chairs and swapped them for their own chairs which were large and well used. I hope VEGA are enjoying relaxing in their ‘new’ chairs.
DSCF4783So in the space of a couple of days eight chairs had changed hands at or near the water point. This is good recycling. We should all be doing this. I rather fear that the two chairs that are left will possibly end up in the bin. Or if they don’t the next two will.

Macramé anyone?

Here at Thrupp you see some odd things. Copious quantities of knitting, crocheting and general poor knotting. What my day boaters thought they were doing here is anybody’s guess!



Now I always thought that a Moorhen and a Dabchick were one and the same thing. Many people I have spoken to say the same, but when reading The Wind In The Willows both the Moorhen and the Dabchick are listed in the same sentence.

“O no, it isn’t what it used to be, at all. Otters, Kingfishers, Dabchicks, Moorhens, all of them about all day long and always wanting you to do something - as if a fellow had no business of his own to attend to!”

Is it possible that Kenneth Grahame was wrong when he wrote the book or do we just mistakenly call the Moorhen a Dabchick.


Sunday, 5 August 2012


We all come to the canals for different reasons, but I would hazard a guess that most would identify peace and quiet among their main reasons for boating. I wonder why it is that so many boats have excessively noisy engines. No I am not talking about those running engines after eight although that is a problem, but those whose engine is so noisy that they can hardly hear the person on the deck next to them.

Even from inside my boat I can hear couples shouting at each other as they pass by my office window. Maybe it is just that they naturally shout at each other. Is it time for the BSS to cover the volumetric output from the engine? I don’t think that we should all have ‘Hospital’ silencers, but a serviceable silencer wouldn’t go amiss!

Friday, 3 August 2012

Your Safety Your Responsibility!

Yet another teenager has drowned in the AVON below Bath. Once again comes the cry for fencing off the river.

14 year old Aaron Burgess dived into the river near the weir at Saltford, then failed to surface. His body was found sometime later by the weir.

So now comes the clarion call to fence off the river. This lad purposely dived into the river. Had there been a fence I very much doubt it would have stopped him going swimming. The standard post and rail fencing has already proven to be a danger in itself up the Ribble Link which was so fenced following an incident and was used for climbing and a further incident followed.

Short of having razor wire along the side of the river I doubt there will ever be a solution, but how much of the river ‘should’ be fenced?

We all have to take responsibility for our own safety when out and about the law cannot legislate for every eventuality. Whilst that does not apply to the toddler that died in the canal recently, (someone should have exercised that responsibility for him) it does apply to teenagers.

Thursday, 2 August 2012

Rolf Harris?

Sue nb No Problem took a picture recently I had to share here. 115

It’s amazing how the camera add the pounds to the midriff


Hello,My name is Chris Hardwick and I work for Kindling Media. I am reaching out to you about a video I am currently working on for my client Mentos Singapore. The video is interesting, it calls upon Singaporeans to help raise the national birth-rate by well… you know on Singapore's National Day night (August 9th).

I decided to reach out to your Aardvarks & Maffi"s Boat first of all because I am a big fan of your site and secondly because I thought that this topic could capture the interest of your readers with something a little bit different but still related to your regular blog posts. The combination of relationships, dating, and sex combined with a breath mint should be something quite unique that grabs the attention of new viewers. I've attached the links to the video and look forward to your input. Feel free to reach out to me if you need any additional info.


(This is real. If my regular blog posts are about relationships, dating, sex and a breath mint I am seriously not reading it here, are you?)

There has to be a solution.

All I said as nb Alice Mary sped past was, “Do the rules not apply to you?” and I got a tirade of abuse from the skipper and his crew that would have made a seaman blush. I know he was speeding because I was walking fast, past a line of moored boats, trying to catch up and was not gaining on him.

Half of all boats I see come through here are speeding. It’s not always the hire boats either. Private boats are notoriously bad.

The simple answer is for CRT to send out copies of the handbook to all boaters prior to their licence renewal. If the boaters do not sign and return an attached form saying they understand the rules laid down and and that they and their crew will abide by the rules, then the CRT refuses to renew their licence. They would only have to lift out a handful of boats in the larger conurbations to get the message around.

Half empty?

This is an HP brown sauce bottle. So is it Half full or half empty? Difficult to tell really. It looks full full, but the manufacturer who has since the beginning of time produced their product in clear glass or, more recently, clear plastic bottles have in their infinite wisdom decided to now use sauce coloured bottles.

Why they decided to do this no one knows, but now you can’t tell how much is in the bottle unless you pick it up. WHY!!! What did they gain?  Are they stupid?


John “Boycie” Challis. . . .

. . . . will be 70 on the 16th of August. Now for some strange reason John, of Only Fools and Horses, feels the need to reach 10,000 followers on Twitter before his birthday. So if anyone out there would like to help can you please follow @BeingBoycie on Twitter. He will really appreciate it and it may stop him going on. Can’t think why I am asking all of you this, I only have 234 followers myself, but they are quality, which personally I think is more important than quantity.

Boycie_shot_for_twitterCome on you know it's worth it!

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Beautiful moon she said.

DSCF4842So I snapped it!

nb SAM

I do all I can to help make a visit here to Thrupp enjoyable for all. It’s something I really enjoy doing. Despite what you may think I am a people person. I like to help people through the bridge, help with mooring, I tidy up, drag crap out of the water. I have even been known to repair parts of the bank. Others plant up the flower tubs cut the grass. We all seem to make sure that those dog owners who don't clean up after their charges don't despoil the area and pick up the shit they leave behind. All in all Thrupp is a very lovely place. All my boaters return with smiles on their faces, its a lovely job!

Then along comes SAM, narrowboat SAM. Seventy foot of penis extension. SAM is from Liverpool. 260720121184SAM arrives in Thrupp heading south so needs to moor to operate the bridge. The bridge has been designed with the single handed user in mind. Not difficult you might think. Well for SAM it was.There are three mooring bollards at the bridge mooring, but SAM didn’t see one. no SAM decided to tie his centre line to one of the four plaques that the poem is written on. He virtually had to trip over a bollard to do this.DSCF4785

There were probably 15-20 adults and children on that path, but this did not deter him. He walked over through the ‘crowd’ tied his centreline where I have indicated right across the towpath! I think I said to him, “I am sorry but I can’t let you do that”. To which he replied “Who are you, the police.” “No, ”says I, “it is bloody dangerous. There are three bollards to use for mooring”. “Oh so its a Health and Safety thing?” F**king idiot. What the bloody hell was he thinking?

So any way he unties his rope and pushes the bow off, letting it drift across with him on it then climbs over the safety fence, the one that stops you falling in the water, to operate the bridge. I walk up and said to him that if he got on his boat I would operate the bridge for him. He totally ignored ne said not one word. His boat was very shiny and I am assuming he was very new to boating, but I am sorry this rope thing was unbelievable. Not a very smart thing at all. Less smart than the picture at the top of this blog. The one thing I learned when I first started boating you have to learn fast, a minor cock-up can have Major consequences. A cyclist could have been seriously injured by his rope.