Friday, 31 May 2013


Down in Wiltshire the Fire Service is to walk along the K&A giving away free smoke alarms. HOLD IT! we have the BSC why aren’t Smoke Alarms on that already. What about Gas Alarms and CO Alarms. Of all the crap that has been added to the test recently no one thought to add alarms?

I though it funny at the time of my last BSC that the smoke alarm that was “open and battery free” following an earlier bacon sandwich which always sets off the alarm, was passed with barely a second glance and nothing said whatsoever by the engineer. Now I know why!

I am annoyed that some of the things that they check are not as important as alarms and certainly not as correctable. The vents in my doors were not up to spec. I was definitely not going to get the holes cut bigger and have bigger vents fitted. The boat has an RCD. If the RCD cannot fulfil its task of having boats built up to a standard then what is the point? And if the BSC is at odds with the RCD then again what is the point?

Maybe the BSC people need to have a chat with the RCD people and come to a common agreement so that a boat built to the RCD standard complies with the BSC. Why this hasn’t happened yet I don’t know, but it would make life easier all round if this was the case. Rocket Science it isn't!!!

Welcome to the UK where . . . .

Excellence is punished.

Failure and Mediocrity is rewarded.

And dependency is to be revered.

When people rob banks they go to prison.

When they rob the taxpayer they get re-elected.

. . . . . Enjoy your stay.

Wednesday, 29 May 2013


Seamus and Sam, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.  One day Seamus didn't show up.  Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.
But after Seamus hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried.  However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Seamus lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Seamus, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! -- there sat Seamus!  Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.

Then he said, 'For crying out loud Seamus, what in the world happened to you?'
Seamus replied, 'I have been in jail.'
'Jail' cried Sam. 'What in the world for?'
'Well' Seamus said, 'you know Cindy, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'
'Yeah,' said Sam, I remember her.   What about her?
'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty.'
'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.' 

Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Skankey B*****ds

I had a little tripette out today to Shipton Weir Lock. My day boat ran out of gas and I had to take a new bottle on my bike! Arriving at the moored location of the day boat I noticed some litter on the lock side. What disgusting people some boaters are! (Note it hasn’t got a cap on it and its nearly full). On my travels I have picked up three of these. What is it in the brains of these idiots that makes them think that it is OK to leave their ‘shit’ here and that some hard pressed CRT worker makes regular trips along the canal to pick up their  trash. I wish I knew who it was.
I think euthanasia is too good for them.

Do you remember a film called Executive Decision? I wonder if a scaled down version might be set up on the canals.

2_Photo0210Its nothing to do with the boat in the lock at all.

I had to leave it because I was carrying an empty gas bottle. If you happen to be coming this way and see it is still there would you be a dear and bring it down to Thrupp and we will dispose of it

Sunday, 26 May 2013


Ok it was 6.15 and I am awakened by a speeding boat. I get up, put the kettle on. Another boat comes speeding past. I stick my head out of the side hatch and say “You could try going a bit slower.”

He say, “I am going as slow as I can. You want to try getting an engine!”

Now there are two points here. First if he can’t go slower then he is not able to follow the rules and his boat is not suitable for the canals, well not this one anyway.

Second why is it my problem? What has my engine got to do with his incompetence as a boater? Why blame me?

You don’t need to be an engineer to hear when a ordinary four pot engine is racing. And then for the owner to say it wont go any slower is merely an indication of what he thinks of you. What an arsehole!

I don’t have a problem with boating at 6 o’clock in the morning, I have done it myself, though not often. But FFS have some consideration!!! I didn’t have to be out of my pit for another hour and he stole that from me!

Good boy!

A very astute young man, @ashwonderboy, wrote on Twitter  “Lets burn a mosque and kill all the Sikhs.” It was not racist or inciting racial hatred, but a very funny comment on the education level of members of the EDL. #EDLtweet

Sadly most people didn’t get it. He has now deleted his Twitter account because of the backlash of the ignorant millions who were too short to appreciate the irony in his statement, it going right over their heads.

Never mind I am sure they will be able to redeem themselves at some time in the not too distant future, when some other minor genius pops his head over the parapet for target practice, but then some people are so busy being PC that they couldn't find their own arse, how are they ever going to be expected to find irony.

Friday, 24 May 2013

Just thinking!

I was very pleased to hear that licence evasion was down below 4%. Then I got to thinking, “How many boats are there?” IIRC its about 38,000. 4% of 38,000  1520. If you assume the average licence fee is £500 that makes a deficit of £760,000. That's only what is owed on one year. And what would we do with £3/4 million pounds. Well it could be given to the bosses for bonuses. If they felt that they deserve a bonus then let them go out and collect it. I wouldn’t begrudge them a bonus if they had reduced the deficit directly i.e. driving out to an unlicensed boat and getting the money and back payments that the CRT are owed!

I think we could all l live with that!


GO FOR IT, SOKAI, FESTINA LENTE all bloggers all in Thrupp in two days.

I thought I would put them here while I remembered, I usually forget!

Thursday, 23 May 2013


Following the murderous attack in Woolwich yesterday this picture is being banded about as the literacy level of the EDL who are currently making things worse in South London. EDL

However the truth of the matter is this is an old picture and was taken in America.


Tuesday, 21 May 2013

Burrowing crayfish damage canal banks

I have only just found this but I have a question. BW/CRT know that crayfish burrow into banks and cause collapse so why are they setting up “Conservation Areas” along the Oxford Canal. We have Signal Crayfish here. They do enough damage yet we are still having these conservation areas foisted upon us. There is no excuse for this to continue happening around the system.


Can we not agree to have the conservation areas on the off side of the canal.

What we need is crayfish traps and recipes.


Newbury Today

Sunday, 06th Feb 2011

Reporter: Eddie van der Walt Reporter

Contact: 01635 886620

BRITISH Waterways has been forced to use special measures to protect the Kennet and Avon Canal from damage by an invasive species of crayfish.
American Signal Crayfish, which are already competing with endangered native crayfish species, are now being blamed for causing extensive damage to the canal banks.
The crayfish burrow into the canals, using their tails as scoops and a senior engineer at British Waterways, David Berezynskyj, that it can affect the stability of the banks.
He said: “Some of these banks are like Swiss cheese.
“We need to act to avoid any serious damage and reduce the risk of the embankment breaching.”
He said that people from British Waterways, the organisation which cares for 2,200 miles of the country's canals and rivers, are now layering woven sheets of a strong, plastic-like material, called polypropylene, into the K&A canal banks as part of their dredging process, which is much more attractive than using steel banks.
The works, which will cost £250,000 and will take 10 weeks to complete, was started on January 21 and will see the canal bank from Hambridge Road to Bulls Lock and at Greenham Lock repaired and stabilised using material dredged from the canal.

Monday, 20 May 2013

Diesel Bug

The EU are proposing an end to olive oil dipping dishes in restaurants for our protection. We already have laws (in this country) that cover any harm that might be done by bad hygiene practice.

What we don’t seem to have is a law that prevents Cladosporium Resinae (diesel bug) cross contaminating fuel tanks. Is your supplier supplying you good fuel or contaminated fuel? Does he know? Does he care? Has his delivery nozzle been in a tank that is contaminated before you arrived? Does he care enough to clean his nozzle after each delivery? Can you check that the fuel you are given is bug free?

The simple answer is that all suppliers should be compelled to treat their supplies. Whether that be producers main suppliers or retailers is for the clever people to work out. It cost about thirteen pound to treat 2500 litres that’s less than half a penny a litre. Fuel tax could be reduced by half a penny a litre to ensure that suppliers do this cost free.  It is easier (more accurate) to treat 2500 litres than it is to treat 10, 20, 30 or even 100 litres. The %age error is far smaller. As of yet it is not know if under-treatment is effective or if over treatment is in some way damaging to engines.

Rather than some boaters and some retailers treating their supplies it would make sense for all suppliers to treat their fuel. That way we know that all fuel tanks are treated properly and the possibility of cross contamination is reduced to an absolute minimum or even zero.

Why should all suppliers be required to treat their supplies and not boaters. Well boaters are a varied bunch of individuals who have their own Ideas about where they will spend their money. Some will, some won’t treat their tanks. No amount of legislation will make Joe Bloggs treat the fuel going into his tank if he doesn’t want to. To check that his tank had been treated before a fuel nozzle is put in his tank will be cost prohibitive. I rest my case.

Is this more waste?

This is to be the new footbridge in Paddington. How much and who’s paying for it.



GGMS is an abbreviation for God Give Me Strength. I have used it as a title before. Me not being a God botherer you will know that I only use this term under severe stress!

This is the severe stress bit!!!

Wherever I see it I have to speak out against stupidity, yes even mine. I saw this on the forum.  The owner of a boat  somewhere in Nuneaton thinks these would make a good alternative to mooring pins. What are they?


I will tell you what they are, they are they are F***ING TENT PEGS!!! Yes you heard me the first time tent pegs. That down leg is only six inched long. Barely long enough to get past the grass roots let alone hold a 15 ton boat on a busy waterway!!!

The web site says:- 

Award winning tent peg design
100% stainless steel construction
Tested to 200Kg.Will not corrode.
(I carry that much coal on my 16,000 Kg boat)
Made from 1.5mm 304 grade stainless steel channel section.
Satin Finish
Single anchors available on request.

Anybody who thinks these are a suitable alternative to mooring pins is too stupid to be allowed out on a boat.

I shall make a formal complaint to CRT and request they withdraw his licence before he does himself or anyone else any harm. GGMS!!!

NOTE:- These are not Rhond Anchors they are tent pegs.

Saturday, 18 May 2013

Tut! Tut!!

AdSense new terms and conditions. 5 pages A4 nearly 3000 words. They are kidding! If I read all the terms and conditions of programs I was running I would never stop reading.

It says I must agree!

Piss off I don’t agree. Stop me using Adsense go to it dudes see if I care.


Sick as I am of saying it yet another hire boat moored up with ropes across the towpath. I’m sorry but what is it in their genes that lets them see this is OK. This is surely a case for euthanasia of the terminally stupid?

Friday, 17 May 2013

Its all BS

Hello We're writing to let you know that the group you tried to contact (adsense) may not exist, or you may not have permission to post messages to the group. A few more details on why you weren't able to post:
* You might have spelled or formatted the group name incorrectly.
* The owner of the group may have removed this group.
* You may need to join the group before receiving permission to post. * This group may not be open to posting.
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Thanks, admins
Adsense is a part of Google so why could they not just give me an email address that I could write to. It’s all Bullshit.

AdSense again

I have today blocked 957 advertising sites. I see from my ad management page that dating sites have already been blocked for some time. I suppose that doesn't include marriage sites. I will have to contact AdSense and complain.


The advertising I have on this blog occasionally displays ads that some people find offensive. (Thai girls seeking marriage being a recent one) Whilst I do have control over some of the ads, I cannot stop the majority. I don't like the Asian marriage ads either.

Adsense, who are part of the google empire, trawl the blog and place ads dependent on content. They usually pick up on key words, so what I write about and the comments made together determine the ad content. It would be nice if there was a tick box for certain types of ad, and indeed if this was a child’s site there would be, but by doing that some ads that would be useful to boaters would be excluded. I would much rather ask for ads that only relate to boating in the UK, but that isn’t an option.

There is not a great income from this advertising. Mainly because I don’t have ads in every available space, just the one. Later next year when my financial situation changes I might just cancel them altogether, but until then its free money and we all like free money.

If you are offended by ads that appear on your screen there is a little cross box in the top right-hand corner of the ad which when clicked on should register your dislike of such ads and hence fourth block their appearance.

Thursday, 16 May 2013

Extra £99 'too much for families'

“Almost half of families would be in danger of falling over the edge if they had to find an extra £99 a month to pay their bills, a study has found.”

This is an amazingly stupid thing to say. Force people on to minimum wage and have a study to see if they can take more shit. The incompetence of this government knows no boundaries. If there is not a revolution in the very near future I will be very surprised.

If Cameron wont go then maybe it is up to the military to make him or take him out for good.

For an extra 50p I would shoot George Osborne.

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Consultation? Blaaaa!

What is a consultation? I wonder if those that are responsible for particular departments have any understanding of the concept. I am not just talking about CRT although they are currently in error. All government departments national or local seem to mis-understand the whole idea of the principles involved in consultation.

What is the current practice?  A department sees a problem and  comes up with a solution. Then they ask everybody what they think of their solution. When the thoughts are in they implement their solution. Despite what seem to be said it is usually a foregone result. This is what we are going to do what do you think?  Departments not really wanting your opinion but going through the motions anyway to placate the masses.

What should be the practice? Well, there are lot of ideas on this, but my thoughts are thus, A department sees a problem. To solve the problem they ask everyone how they would solve the problem i.e. gather ideas from as many sources as possible. When everyone has had their say, then and only then, do they look at all the possibilities put forward and discuss the merits of each solution and which of the solutions (or combination of various parts of the solutions) will be the most effective at curing the problem.

Squadron Leader James King, the RAFs answer to Fagash Lil, who I  worked with back in the eighties was a master at this. Rather than pontificate about how problems should be solved his mantra was always, “Don't bring me your problems, bring me the solution.” What happened next was those who found the problem would go away and come up with a number of possible solutions then Jim would decide the way forward in consultation with those people, choosing the best solution or combination solutions to cure the problem. This is called leadership. It is not difficult, it’s what he was paid for.

In a consultation you cannot enter the arena knowing what the outcome will be. It is not fair and not in the spirit of the laid down rules which require consultations to take place.

Oxford Child Abuse Case

Operation Bulfinch ( relating to the Oxford child abuse case) has finally bought the perpetrators to account. Reading through the newspaper report in the Oxford Times I cant help but ask why haven’t heads rolled. All I see is some overpaid CEO trying to mitigate her part in this debacle.

I cant understand why some senior council official  who is earning more than the prime minister has not yet resigned for the damage that has been caused to these girls. It doesn't matter when she acted the point is this happened on her watch. It is her responsibility. These girls were failed by the those who are paid to look after them.

This was a monumental screw up!

From the Oxford Times

Joanna Simons, chief executive since 2005, earning £182,431 a year,said it was “beyond comprehension” an organised gang was acting on the scale it was.

The Old Bailey trial heard one social worker claim it was the “general consensus” amongst staff at a children’s home that one of the victims was being groomed.

And a school supporter worker also told the court nine out of 10 social workers knew what was going on.

“As soon as we suspected there was something big going on we took immediate action.”

The chief executive insisted social workers had acted upon concerns

She said: “There was huge concern among social workers about these girls and this is reflected in the fact that a lot of action was taken before Operation Bullfinch.

“Girls were sent to secure units and out of county placements, staff followed girls and tried hard to get them to speak and took away their mobile phones.

“However we did not understand the grooming process in the same way that we do now or that there was a gang in operation. We are sorry we were not able to act sooner.”

Simons said previously social workers had usually focused only on the families.

“One of the big things we have learnt is social workers have to be more like detectives and detectives have to be more like social workers.”

When asked if how she felt that this had happened when she was in charge, she said: “It is the worst thing I have ever seen in over 30 years in local government.

“We are all deeply affected by this and we are incredibly sorry we did not stop it sooner. Everybody feels responsibility for this.”

“One of the big things we have learnt is social workers have to be more like detectives and detectives have to be more like social workers.”

She declined to comment on whether she had considered resigning.

And she said there would now be a serious case review, adding: “We will absolutely be implementing any recommendations that come out if it.”

The council head said about 2,500 staff, including social workers, teachers and health workers, had been trained to spot the signs of sexual exploitation.

Monday, 13 May 2013


The Arts Council is to give CRT £2 million to create a corridor for art along the Leeds and Liverpool canal.

Art is very subjective. It’s what you want it to be. I want it to be deeper. And I know a man with a dredger. £2 million will make a great deal of difference to the depth of the canals up there.

Sunday, 12 May 2013


I bet this printer lost his contract


Poetry & Prose: Jeneana

Poetry & Prose: Jeneana: Flurries of snow fly on the cutting wind, crossing the canal where narrowboats lie at rest in the ice. A girl walks along the towpath. The ...

Friday, 10 May 2013


No matter how hard I try emails from CRT always end up in my junk mail. Why is that I wonder?

Mooring Consultation

So the South East Mooring Consultation has finally been published. And once again the CRT has demonstrated it has no idea how to run a waterway. They have displayed a total lack of understanding of how the waterways work and what people do on the waterways.
It is preposterous that while the Trust are wasting time and money on this colossal clusterfuck their local enforcement officer is making promises she has no right to do and telling people they can get housing benefit to pay mooring fees and licences when she has no concept of the problems people have.
This consultation is not about ‘fairness’ at honey pot sites but about stopping people enjoying the waterway. I mean a two day limit in Oxford is laughable. Oxford has five or six Museums, four Theatres about six cinemas and myriad colleges that have history that go back ten times further than CRT/BW ever could.
It has the old and famous boat houses, the locations of ALICE in Wonderland, probably more water courses that Venice has canals and a whole host of interesting stuff to do and see. I could spend two weeks in the ASHMOLEAN Museum and there’s the Museum of CHILDREN’S LITERATURE, another couple of days. The COUNTY Museum, the NATURAL HISTORY Museum, the PITT RIVERS. The almost countless college chaples. The PLAY HOUSE, the NEW Theatre, the OFS Theatre. Oxford is also home to the BURTON/TAYLOR Theatre. There is the CARFAX Tower, the Covered Market, the parks, Christchurch Meadow. The TURF TAVERN, EAGLE and CHILD, LAMB and FLAG a whole host of others that have been featured in Morse and dozens of other literary works. Lets not forget the Bodlian Library, the Sheldon Theatre, the Radcliffe Camera, the Science Museum, the Alice Shop. I could continue but it would take me more than 48 hours to list them all and I don’t want to get an over stay charge.
On the subject of the overstay charge. . . IT IS NOT A CHARGE its a fine. Were it a charge it would be £5-£8 pro-rata the cost of mooring in the area. £25 is equivalent to £9125 pa. A ‘charge’ has to be fair. When it ceases to be fair and becomes punitive it is a fine, and £9125 is punitive. Of course one wouldn't expect a shelf stacker from M&S to understand that, no one would expect him to understand anything apart from his over inflated salary.
These people are no more important than my blog and we all know how important that is.
The biggest problem I find with the consultation is the need to keep thinking ‘what do the regulations say for this bit and what do they say for that bit. I’m sorry but boaters shouldn’t have to be continually worrying about when they need to move. When can they come back, where can they go next. Most people I see on the water come here to get away from petty rules and up yaself bureaucrats. This consultation has made the life a pain in the arse for lots of people. It has done it because of that age old problem ‘Bureaucratic incompetence’. Had our shelf stackers done their job in the first place this situation would never have arisen. There is as problem because CRT/BW made it and like all clusterfucks its the guy at the bottom that gets shat on.
We have always lived our lives by queuing it’s the natural order of things, you know, first come first served. If you want to be at the front of the queue then get there early. It is no good turning up at somewhere like Thrupp at after 6pm expecting to get moored outside the pub, it aint gonna happen! Its not because the people there are overstaying it is simply that they got up early moved their boat arrived mid afternoon and moored up. If you didn’t get there till nearly dark tough shit. Don’t go shedding tears in the laps of the great wage earners. They wont fix it for you , but they will fuq it for everyone else.

Thursday, 9 May 2013

Back in January

When I started out on my journey last year I stopped in Banbury because the Banbury Canal Day was in progress. I was seconded to read Muddy Waters stories for the children while waiting for the star attraction, Prunella Scales, to arrive. During the weekend we all watched a film called The Longest Narrowboat Journey in the World. An interesting film if somewhat spoiled by the band playing the sound track live and some weird distracting girl ‘dancing’. The film need a voice over, less music and an absence of the ‘dancer’. Whether she was interpreting the film or the music I don’t know, but at one point it seemed she was enacting having a baby (general consensus).

Anyway on my way up the Macclesfield Canal some time later I saw the very boats moored on the side of the canal. Cool!


Tuesday, 7 May 2013

I like a good read. . . .

, , , ,  but judging by these comments I don't think I will be buying this particular book.

Frighteningly, shockingly bad.

I found a copy of this in a charity shop the other day and decided to spend a pound out of curiosity. Mistake.

If it can be had for 99p or less and with 320 pages, plus blank leaves, it is quite a lot of toilet-paper for your money.

"It was a shock - absolutely awful. I felt pathetic

An outstanding compendium of arsegravy as this astonishing failure discovers yet another job he is hopelessly inept at.

Slow, shallow, unconvincing,

Rubbish from start to finish.

Worst book I have ever read.

I must say, the level of talent displayed by ******* has given me the confidence boost I sorely needed,

Utter drivel!

This, this, this is the worst most illiterate brain numbing book ever produced, in case you failed to understand the previous, in short it is crap, period.

This "book" brought to mind human excrement pouring (nay, gushing) out a hole.

How  any publisher could even consider wasting paper on this drivel is beyond me.

I read this trash with an open mind. Or at least I tried to. In the end I had to stop since I could not stop laughing at the "author"'s apparent lack of ability to function on a human level as expressed through his characters.

I bought this item with an open mind only to find that as the bland predictable prose give way to a banal plot I became more and more full of vitriol and despair. I slipped into a deep and uncompromising depression, the depths of which I may never return.

So to whom do they refer?

The Devils Tune is written by none other than Iain Duncan Smith. So apparently not only is he a twat, but he cant write either. GO JET!!!


At Roundham Lock

More rubbish found at Roundham. It is a doggie doo bin so why is the doo doo placed behind the bin and not in it?

When I first went to Ansty there was a doo doo bin at bridge 15. I took ten bags of rubbish from around that bin. That problem has been solved the bin has been removed. We don’t want that to happen here, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it did!


Monday, 6 May 2013

Didn’t I do well?

My three girls.
Kirsty 1971
Dannie 1973
Bimms 1981

Cant find a picture of my lad Toby but he is just as special.

It makes me mad!!!

Just south of Langford Lane Bridge, about 15 paces there is a bin for the disposal of Doggie doo. It is a convenient bin for the doo doo collector in that there is somewhere to park nearby and they can just come down the steps by the bridge and take away the doo doo. They have a relatively small van and are not equipped to collect anything other than doo doo. This is the case with most doo doo bins!

So why I ask do the general populace not understand this. There are not the facilities in place to collect other rubbish. Now in this picture you can see three bin liners full of ‘other rubbish’ I don’t know but I am guessing that one bag, the black one was dumped there and the other two grey ones followed simply because the first bag appeared, them being a different colour. This could be either boaters or locals or both.Photo0131_001What is most annoying is that about 100 yards south down the canal is a waste disposal point and 3/4 of a mile north is Thrupp disposal point so these people are totally f***ing lazy, ignorant dumb bastards. What we need is a Euthanasia Law in this country to terminate these people because it would seem they are of no use to society whatsoever!

I shall be in touch with the fly tipping department tomorrow!

Friday, 3 May 2013

Finding Libby–Oxford and London



When dowdy Pauline allows her bossy neighbour to talk her into a holiday on a hotel boat, she isn’t expecting to revisit her past. Or to find a new future. A warm and witty look at what happens when a waterways holiday takes an unexpected turn… back to carefully forgotten memories of stifling respectability, young love, and the sixties that didn’t swing for everyone....

Performing her own script, Kate Saffin is natural… Her warm portrayal… allows the audience to laugh at [Pauline’s] fusty foibles… creating a genuine affection for the central character. FringeGuru (original title: Memories of Water)


Oxford: The Theatre at the Old Fire Station May 9th and 10th 7.30pm (55 min)
Tickets £10/£8
Tickets Oxford:
Box office: 01865 305305
Or on the door from 19:00
London: Pleasance Theatre Islington May 14th 7.45pm
Tickets £10/£8

Thursday, 2 May 2013

Michael Fabricant

In answer to my question “Are you really old enough to be an MP? The tories has been whip and one man boy band  Michael Fabricant replied  “No.”