Friday, 12 July 2013

Hat Trick!!!

This morning I set off to reverse the mile up to the sanitary station. I hadn’t gone 100 feet when Mr Antipodean (nb Elsinore) came under the bridge on the wrong side of the canal and came to a stop behind me. I could go nowhere. I indicated for him go to the right of the canal, there was more than enough room for him. He didn’t understand. I shouted “Follow the rules and go to the right of the canal.” Still nothing. I vacated my lungs telling him to “feck off over the other side.” He said “Have some patience” (So now its my fault) “I am lost.”

Lost! Lost! there was only one way to go how could he be feckin’  lost?

At the sanitary station nb Shandorelle was there. I know he had been there some time because I had not seen him go under the bridge while I was reversing up the long straight. It was only as I reversed up the wide and then came alongside that he decided to get his hose out. He said, “I will be sometime its a 400 litre tank”

“How much?”

“400 litres”

Then he looked at his water gauge and said it was about half full. I threw my centre line across his boat to the mooring bollard unfortunately it nearly hit him, so he was pissed off. Then he complained that my rope was across his boat and threaded it through those sharp edged little fairleads that chafe your rope. He tied it up as I said, “That’s the way it is here.” And then with his 200 litres to go, on a very slow filling tap, he packed up and went. Well that was good for me. Was it something I said?

I suppose in reality he expected me to bugger orf and come back when he had finished, but I don’t play those games. On the side of my boat it says WELCOME TO MOOR  ALONGSIDE so I do.

Then tonight after 10 o’clock an unlicensed boat zig zagged along the canal. No headlight. Drunk as a skunk and rude. I opened the bridge for him but he got stuck on the off side so I closed the bridge. It took him a while to sort it out, he didn’t have a pole. Of course it was my fault because I opened the bridge and confused him. Then he moored for the bridge. He asked if we, there were four of us, had a key as he didn’t have one. No license no pole no key, no understanding of the rules, and no fecking brains. Not to mention he threw his empty beer can in the canal. I let him through the bridge and closed it. He turned around and wanted to come back through no way was i going to open it again for him to come by all our boats in that state. I walked off.

So that was it three for three. Is it me? Do these people search me out? Is the canal system filling up with these people coz I’m getting pissed off with them. A man who gets lost in a straight line, a man who buys silk ropes for his boat, and a drunken river rat. There should be a law.


Blue Moon said...

Change your aftershave Maffi....Attract-a-twat is obviously not working for you.

Maffi said...

I think its werkin' too well! :)

Tom and Jan said...

I'm not bloody surprised the antipodean was lost. He must have missed the signpost at India. Your water point friend is obviously an idiot. The clever ones moor and pretend they are filling the tank by running out their hose but don't turn on the tap!

Lyraboat said...

Nicely played.
BTW where can you get those silk ropes?

Cheri said...

This is fantastic!